written by Dani Scott
This one has been a hard one for me to write. I’m very much in my head about what I want to write and how I want to convey it, because the topic is so rich with so much depth to me. I’ve been thinking about friendship as a form of community for as long as I can remember and even before then. I know what I want to say, but can’t seem to pull it together…having a lot of something, but nothing at all. So I welcome you to journey with me as I simply journal my thoughts, in no particular order, with no particular structure, just me in the safety of this expression that I desire to share with you…
October 18th, 2023:
There is so much pause, sensitivity, and tenderness with my processing of friendship as community. In doing so, I am experiencing waves of grief from memories shared in past friendships that meant and still mean so much to me; vulnerability from sharing the depth of friendship’s meaning for me; and fear of being misunderstood, something I’ve experienced frequently through others’ misconception that my best friend and I are a couple, based on our closeness and display of love.
Friendship is intimate, romantic, and love displayed at its communion. I treasure it deeply, and it’s easily one of my favorite things about living. It’s helped me see what it is I desire to feel when I relate. It’s why community is so important to me; because it was first understood to me through friendship. It’s the reason I have been able to simply, yet intensely love. It’s the place I have been able to be the truest form of me at each stage of my growth.
Friendship has always been and continues to be the most important relationship I have. Not because the friendships all remain in coexistence or I don’t desire other forms of relating, BUT because in each relating experience I have with a friend, I can be what I want to be, who I am, and grow alongside another who chose that moment in time to be WITH me and I WITH them.
I do believe I’ve been chosen in all my relationships just as I also believe we chose to come here as souls to interact and learn alongside those we meet in each lifetime. However, many of these chosen relationships have been transactional or conditional due to their views on relating or society’s norm of stroking egos instead of connecting with souls.
Thankfully, I’ve found that my friends don’t gauge their connection with me based off of who I love, whether or not I know how to kiss or be physically intimate, make a good grade on tests, say no to something that doesn’t feel safe for me, have anxiety, trip over a rock, cry because I’m sad, be angry, have a financial problem, be afraid, experience body odor, value my independence, do something I’m ashamed of or feel guilty about, or even experience conflict….In those things, my friends and I can openly talk about it all and still lean into the community of relating through the friendships being built. It has always been safe to be and share amongst laughter, tears, fun, adventure, fear, challenges, joy, and love.
I have been so fortunate to experience friends that really want the same thing: to be SEEN and to BELONG. Many of my friends would say that I have a gift to allow space for that, but I too know that it’s a gift to be able to have the space to share it.
As a child my mom would always say “you never like playing alone”…..And I used to think that made me needy or weak, because it's true, I always wanted to share time with another and have fun with someone else. I wanted to make, cherish, and nurture what I now know was friendship.
I couldn’t imagine life without friendship. Without the safety of being touched with a kiss, hug, cuddle, or hand to hold, all rooted in pure gratitude; conflict that opens the heart’s pathway to the soul for deep connection and getting to know another, growing beyond the shadows; making room for pleasure’s existence as a spiritual act of honoring each other; of being seen and desiring to love simultaneously…a reaching to just meet you where you are. That, I just can’t live without. That is community built from friendship. That is what a soul knows naturally and longs for no matter the type of relationship. It is friendship that has helped me show up more like this in other forms of relating.
It hasn’t been perfect and I’m not in physical communion with all of those friendships today, but to have encountered that kind of relating has always felt special and been important for me to remember, maintain, seek, and cherish.
Friendship has held me close when I didn’t even know I needed holding. It has taught me how to be human and lean into the essence of who I am. And it all comes from encounters I have had and continue to have with other humans: strangers until they aren’t, family included, short and long term. In each encounter I subconsciously and consciously create, nurture, and honor the community being built.
I’m forever grateful and touched by all the friendships I have had and continue to have! Thank you! I can’t wait to meet others and add to life’s journey of communing together…